Helping

I love to volunteer for things. Love it. I'm often told I don't know how to say no. Those people obviously don't know my husband. He'll be the first to say I do know how and use it often.

I'm almost always the first one to jump in and offer to help. Occasionally, this gets me in over my head. Sometimes, I have to sit on my hands so I don't embrace a new opportunity. I've always enjoyed helping. I'm a people pleaser. Yep, there it is in b&W just in case you haven't figured it out. When I am able to help people I feel better about myself. I feel fulfilled. Who doesn't want that?

I've held a lot of different official volunteer positions. Some I enjoyed, some not so much. Some left me feeling like I made a difference, some left me exhausted.

In 2012 I found my volunteer home. I had been interested in becoming an advocate with the local rape crisis center for years but the stars didn't align until March of 2012. It seemed like it was going to be perfect, I remembered to call and express my interest prior to the start date of the new certification class. This was the first sign that things were right. Over the previous few years, I seemed to always call mid session. Next, I answered my phone when they returned my call. That is an amazing feat in itself. I despise answering my phone. I absolutely refuse when I don't know the number. I managed to complete the application, opening up about my past and figuring out references that would build me up as professional, helpful, considerate and strong (stable). Then, lastly, I made myself available for the nearly 50 hours of certification. Yes, I now hold the esteemed title of Sexual Assault Counselor! I'm kind of amazing, in case you didn't know. I even have a certificate to prove it.

Then it came time for me to start taking shifts. This is when the self-doubt kicked in. The negative talk that I couldn't do it. That I wouldn't make a difference in the peoples lives. That I would fail so I should give up. Well, you know what; I didn't listen to that voice. I had many talks with it telling it to shut it and that all would be fine. I would lean on my training and I would do a good job. I would make a difference. I would help someone going through a living hell and that we'd both come out better for it. And you know what, I have. We have.

I've helped at least a dozen people through one of the worst experiences in their life. I've held their hand, wiped tears, laughed, reminded them how brave/strong/amazing they are and comforted them. I've seen them go from distraught and devastated to being able to smile and hug me. Telling me they couldn't have made it through the process with out me. Something happens during those hours that bonds us. We may never see each other again but we've touched each others lives. I walk away a little different, a little better because of them. They walk away knowing they can keep going and that this event, as horrible as it is, does not define them. I always leave feeling like I could have done just a little more but I also leave feeling fulfilled. I hate that these men, women, children have gone through this. I wish we could eradicate sexual assault. Until that happens, I'm glad that they have someone, like me, standing by their side, focused only on them, giving them back control and helping them to start rebuilding. I believe everyone needs someone in their corner and I am happy to be standing there, holding them up while they regain their composure and realize just how strong and brave they truly are.