I've heard people say those that can't be alone with themselves can't face their thoughts. Perhaps this is true. I have so many things running through my mind that I often have difficulty navigating them. It's like the marquee at the stock market. Having some kind of background noise helps me to organize my thoughts and reach conclusions. It seems it would be counter productive but it works.
Today, I decided to try and embrace the silence. After all this year is about change. Don't worry I'm not going to discuss that again. I think I've covered it ad nauseam. I've set myself up well to try this. I live on a ranch with only 1 neighbor. Today they are out of town and my family is out and about doing their own thing. The only noise is the occasional car, the dogs snoring and a couple of annoying flies that will soon die. I have my cup of coffee, warm blanket and my phone on silent. I've set myself up well. If you build it, they will come is what comes to mind. Just sitting here describing it makes my heart race a little. That may seem insane, maybe it is. Being alone with oneself is not an easy thing. You are forced to look inside. My first thought is Ok, what do I think about. I want it to be profound have that AH HA moment- an epiphany. I can't force this. I can't will it to happen. I can hope and allow my mind to wander. I can feel it building. I know I am right on the verge of the clarity I seek.
For now I will leave you. I am going to sit with cup in hand and stare out my large bay window at the gorgeous oak tree in my yard. Allow my mind to do what it will. If nothing else, I will allow the beauty to sink in and enjoy the sun upon my face.
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