Heartbreak

Hearbreak. It is the most painful experience. Nothing heals it except time and you can't control time. You cannot make the process faster. I wish I had a time machine and could skip ahead 1 month, 6 month or even a year, however long it takes.

I sit looking at the ring you gave me, spinning it, playing with it smiling because it doesn't fit right. A special promise made between us, private moments wrapped up in it, representing so much. I want to remove it so I do not have the constant reminder but can't bring myself to do it yet. It isn't like you aren't constantly on my mind anyway.

I think back to when we first met. What a surprise you were. The questions you asked, the awkwardness I felt because you caught me off guard. The times I've made a fool of myself and couldn't help but laugh at my ridiculousness. The way you checked on me, worried about me, all the times I didn't tell you that meant so much. The way we made love, laughed and embraced what life threw at us. How you made me feel like the most special woman in the world. How I tried to find ways to make you feel the same.

Yes, as with every relationship there were rough times; tears, frustration, anger, feelings of helplessness, ways we hurt each other without meaning to, lots of apologies and promises of making it up. It was all worth it. Trying to navigate a relationship, learning a person and living life isn't easy. There are constant obsticles - sometimes creating our own, sometimes dodging those thown at us. The goal is to find the person you want standing next to you as a united front as you face them. For me, that person was you.

We cant deny that we had something special. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for the time we did have and all I am walking away with in the form of memories. What's that old saying? It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

I know with time this will get easier. Time. One of the few things you can't control.