Sadness

Today I am sad.  The kind of sadness you feel deep in your stomach that permeates out.  Like a fire, all encompassing.  The reason I am sad isn’t what is important but how I handle it.  Do I recognize it, embrace it and move through it?  Do I fight to change the reason, possibly only prolonging the inevitable?  Buying time for alternative.  Do I put on the mask I am so used to and pretend the world is glossy like the pages of a magazine?  

I know the “healthy” choice but I don’t know what I will do.  I don’t know how to process my sadness.  I don’t want to slide on the mask I wore for years.  I’ve fought so hard to lose it, hide it, destroy it, make it unrecognizable to me BUT it seems the easiest of the options.  Put on the brave face and “fake it until I make it” waiting until I see how things play out. 

Yesterday I was reminded of a meme that basically reads to fret over a choice is to say that one is better than the other when in reality they could both be good.  One does not have to be wrong.  They may take you down different paths but it doesn’t mean one is better than the other.  Also, if it is meant to be, the journey may be different but the destination the same.

Here’s what I do know.  I made the right choice that led to my sadness.  I realize that seems odd but sometimes what is best for you hurts the most.  I gave up control of the situation but I had to.  This will not be easy to get through no matter which path I take.  That, if fate is real, then the destination is predetermined.