17 Years

It’s that time again.  It’s the anniversary of when I moved to California.  17 years ago tonight I watched Titanic with the man I loved, finished packing and said our good-byes.  The next day he drove me to the airport and I left for California.  The plan was to live here for 6 months.  Obviously, plans changed and here I am 17 years later. 

I know I’ve written about this a few times.  When the anniversary rolls around, I can’t help but think back over that time in my life.  1998 was probably one of the worst years of my life if you look at all around bad.  I’ve had many difficult years prior and since; some of the events have been far worse than anything I experienced in 1998 but that is the only year I can truly say I hit bottom. 

I was in a relationship that wasn’t healthy for either of us, I was homeless and wearing out my welcome at a friend’s, I had lost so much and was turning away from those most important to me.  I was on a path of destruction but was too deep in the middle to see just how bad.  I was doing a lot of things that could’ve led to my life being much different. 

I sometimes wonder where I would be now if I’d declined the offer, or not agreed to the terms, when given the opportunity to come to California.  I don’t reflect because I regret my decision.  I try to never live with regrets.  I do it because I look at every choice I make as if I am standing at a Y in the road.  Each path is full of possibility.  There will be rough patches but it will be what I make it.

So tonight I look back on that time in my life with fond memories.  It may have been a crazy, effed up time but it led me to here.    

Until Next Time

P.S. Last night my son told me he can make no promises to snuggle me forever because some day he will be a grown man living in Hawaii and I'll be in a senior home.